Rethinking Privacy: Why “Keep Your Goals to Yourself” Isn’t Always the Best Advice

When fear overrides trust, even our goals become something to hide. But isolation isn't strategy—it's self-sabotage.

Introduction: The Privacy Trap

"Move in silence." "Keep your goals to yourself." "Your friends are your biggest haters."

These phrases have become modern mantras for ambition. They sound wise—until they begin to isolate, harden, and hollow us out.

Yes, not everyone deserves access to your dreams. And yes, the wrong circle can sabotage your spirit. But when these maxims are accepted as gospel, they rob us of what we truly need—community, counsel, and connection.

If you can't trust anyone with your vision, the issue isn’t the dream. The issue is the soil you've planted it in.

Privacy Isn’t Power—Discernment Is

It’s not about telling everyone everything. It’s about telling the right people the right things at the right time.

Consider the story of Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks. Early in his career, Schultz pitched the idea of an Italian-style espresso bar to his then-employers. They didn’t get it. He didn’t hide his vision—he shared it with mentors and investors who eventually became his allies, helping him raise the funds to buy the company and build the global brand we know today.

Had Schultz kept quiet out of fear of rejection, Starbucks might never have left Seattle.

The wisdom isn’t in secrecy. It’s in discernment.

Allies vs. Audiences: Who Deserves Access?

My wife once told me:

“Not everyone around you is your ally.”

That stuck with me. A friend may be familiar, but an ally is strategic. An ally doesn’t just clap for you when it’s convenient. An ally believes in your mission—even if they don’t fully understand it.

Quick Ally Test:

• They protect your name when you’re not in the room.

• They challenge you privately, not humiliate you publicly.

• They offer support, not performative cheerleading.

Case Study: President Abraham Lincoln’s “Team of Rivals”

Lincoln surrounded himself with political opponents—people who didn’t vote for him, didn’t support his nomination, and initially disagreed with his leadership style. Why? Because he valued competence over comfort.

His cabinet members weren't always agreeable, but they became his most effective allies because they believed in preserving the Union. They didn’t have to agree on everything to row in the same direction.

Your allies don’t have to always echo you. But they must believe in your purpose.

The Lone Wolf Lie: Survival vs. Sustainability

The image of the lone wolf is often glorified: the fearless, silent, self-reliant man on a mission. But in reality—wolves are pack animals. Even the alpha depends on the group to survive.

The “I’ll do it alone” mentality might feel noble, but it often stems from trauma, disappointment, or burnout.

Real Example: Theranos and the Downside of Secrecy

Elizabeth Holmes famously operated in secrecy while leading Theranos. Few insiders were allowed access to the actual science behind her company’s claims. This extreme secrecy—not just privacy—led to unchecked decisions, misinformation, and eventual collapse.

Had she created a circle of knowledgeable, truth-telling allies, accountability might have saved the vision.

Transparency doesn't mean exposure.

It means safety, structure, and scrutiny where it matters.

The Pessimism Beneath the Silence: Where the Narrative Comes From

Let’s not pretend this “keep it to yourself” mindset came from nowhere. For many, it was a survival tactic—a learned behavior in environments where vulnerability was exploited, where ambition was mocked, and where trust was broken repeatedly.

In these spaces, silence wasn't strategy.

It was armor.

Environments That Don’t Model Trust:

• People laugh at your dreams instead of lifting them

• Oversharing becomes gossip fodder

• Leadership exists to control, not develop

• Success is met with jealousy, not celebration

When you silence the sharing of ideas, you starve growth.

This narrative often gets passed down generationally. In families, schools, churches, military units, and even fraternal or community organizations, secrecy masquerades as strength.

Poisoned Collaboration

What starts as a form of emotional protection can easily become a cultural toxin:

• People no longer brainstorm openly.

• Innovation dies in the name of self-preservation.

• Collaboration becomes transactional, not transformational.

• Trust becomes a myth, not a muscle.

“Why would I share my ideas when others only want to compete, steal, or criticize?”

That’s not ambition talking.

That’s a wound speaking.

The Absence of Modeled Resilience

In many underserved or hyper-competitive communities, resilience gets confused with emotional detachment.

Especially for young men, strength is taught as:

• “Don’t ask for help.”

• “Don’t trust anyone.”

• “Don’t need anybody.”

  
  

But true resilience isn’t silent—it’s relational.

It’s the ability to bounce back with people, not away from them.

Better Language: What to Say Instead

We need a new mindset. A new language. A new framework.

Instead of:

“Keep your goals to yourself. People will hate on you.”

Say:

“Be intentional with your goals. Share them with those who’ve earned your trust and who help you grow.”

Instead of:

“Don’t let anyone know what you’re working on.”

Say:

“You don’t need an audience—you need allies.”

A Leadership Lens: The Army, Mentorship, and Mission

In my time in the military, secrecy had a place—but so did structure, briefing, and unity of effort. We didn’t keep the mission to ourselves—we briefed the team. We assigned responsibilities. We trusted our brothers-in-arms.

And if there was a breach of that trust? It was addressed.

But we didn’t stop briefing the next team.

If trust was broken, it was addressed. But we didn’t stop briefing.

Leadership is alignment, not isolation.

Social Media: Loud, But Lonely

There’s another side to this coin—oversharing with the wrong people.

Social media has turned goal-sharing into a performance. Likes and claps replace real feedback. Reels become our resumes. And before we even start, we’re already defending ourselves from critics who don’t matter.

The problem isn’t always that you share your goals. The problem is where and why you share them.

If you’re posting for validation from strangers, not collaboration with allies, then even your greatest goal becomes noise in the algorithm.

 Visual Insight: Privacy vs. Discernment

Privacy for Protection	Discernment for Connection
Driven by fear	Driven by wisdom
Keeps everyone out	Lets the right people in
Feels like emotional safety	Builds emotional and strategic safety
Assumes everyone is a threat	Acknowledges not everyone is your enemy

Final Reflections

If you feel like you have to keep everything to yourself, take a step back.

Are you protecting your peace—or reacting to past pain?

Are you building in silence—or hiding in fear?

You don’t need to be a lone wolf.

You don’t need a massive following.

You just need a trustworthy circle.

Choose your counsel. Vet your tribe.

Then build boldly.

Reflective Questions

1. Do I know the difference between allies and associates?

2. When I last shared a goal, did it lead to collaboration or criticism?

3. Am I hiding out of fear, or sharing with purpose?

Call to Action

Who’s in your circle? Take an inventory. If this blog made you reconsider who you trust with your dreams—don’t just keep reading. Start curating your support system today.

And if you’re ready to build a circle of allies committed to growth, excellence, and integrity, share this post with one person who’s helped you stay the course. Let’s normalize purpose-driven sharing—not just strategic silence.