Keeping the Main Thing the Man Thing: A Reflection on Leadership, Presence, and Purpose

“I read your blog… all I got to say is, keep the main thing the main thing.”— A mentor's quiet but profound word.

At the crossroads of life, true leadership begins by choosing purpose over performance.

When a mentor speaks, I listen—especially when he’s someone who’s seen the seasons I’m stepping into. After reading one of my most personal reflections, “I Was the Leader, But I Wasn’t There,” that was the only feedback he gave me. And it was all I needed.

At first, I thought he meant “keep the main thing the main thing.” But he didn’t. He said “man”—and that changed everything.

As someone who wears many hats—PhD student, AI industry contributor, startup co-founder, board member, mentor, minister, and more—I know what it’s like to move fast. I also know what it feels like to move fast and feel like I’m falling apart internally. And that comment hit me like a weight I had been silently carrying.

It was his way of reminding me:

Don’t just be a leader in title. Be a man in purpose.

The Performance Trap

We live in a highly performative culture. People show up not just for the task—but for the applause, the post, the picture, the proof. It’s subtle. It’s seductive. And it’s dangerous.

There’s an unspoken pressure to be everything at once. And if you’re not careful, that pressure becomes a prison.

I’ve learned that leadership can become a mask. You can be present on paper but absent in spirit. You can check every box but miss the beating heart of why you started. That’s where I found myself: leading initiatives, writing strategies, mentoring others—yet internally asking, “Am I really here? Or just going through the motions?”

When I wrote “I Was the Leader, But I Wasn’t There,” it wasn’t just an admission of physical absence. It was an acknowledgment of emotional and spiritual distance from what mattered most.

And that’s when my mentor’s words came back:

“Keep the main thing the man thing.”

What Does That Mean?

It means putting identity before activity, purpose before performance, and calling before calendar.

Let’s break it down:

1. Identity is not in the role.

   Titles change. Seasons shift. Boards rotate. Projects come and go. But if my identity is only rooted in the next big thing I do, then I lose who I am when I stop doing it.

2. Purpose sets the boundaries.

   Just because I can do it doesn’t mean I should. There are many good things pulling at my time, but not all of them are tied to my assignment. Saying "yes" to everything is often a "no" to what actually builds legacy.

3. Presence is power.

   Real leadership is about being where and who you need to be. That might be on a stage or in the stands at your child’s game. Sometimes it’s in the meeting. Other times it’s at the dinner table. The power is in being intentional.

The Leader vs. The Man

This reflection isn’t about choosing one over the other—it’s about understanding order. I don’t lead well when the man is out of alignment. When I’m sleep-deprived, spiritually empty, emotionally exhausted, or disconnected from my family, I can still perform. But it’s empty. And it’s dangerous.

A few signs I’ve learned to watch for:

• I’m saying yes faster than I’m praying.

• I’m more excited about the next opportunity than the last commitment I made.

• I’m ignoring signs of fatigue, frustration, or emotional withdrawal.

• I feel guilty resting.

If any of that sounds familiar, you may be leading from your output instead of your core.

Priorities That Preserve Purpose

Here’s what I’m learning to prioritize:

• Time with God. That’s where my purpose is reset.

• My family. They don’t need the busy version of me—they need the whole version.

• Rest. Not just sleep, but renewal—spiritual, emotional, mental.

• Reflection. Writing, thinking, asking myself: Am I aligned with what I say matters?

I’m also learning the discipline of slowing down so I can speed up with purpose. Slowing down isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.

“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?”— Mark 8:36

From Leader to Legacy

You can win every award, close every deal, lead every team—and still leave your soul behind. But when you keep the main thing the man thing, you move differently.

You lead with clarity.

You serve with conviction.

You rest without guilt.

You say no without apology.

You build what will last—not just what gets likes.

Final Reflections

To the men out there doing too much—don’t let your success silence your spirit.To the brothers in leadership—don’t let your gifts distract you from your grounding.To those leading movements—don’t forget to lead yourself first.

If your presence isn’t rooted in purpose, your platform will collapse under the weight of pretending.

So today, take time to ask:

• What’s really the main thing?

• Am I still the man I want to be behind the leader I’m known to be?

• Have I confused motion with meaning?

The world needs strong men who know when to lead and when to be still.And that starts by remembering:Keep the main thing... the man thing.