Reframing the Negative: How I Realized My Family Was Protecting Itself with Negativity

Marcus D. Taylor, MBA
May 27
3 min read

I had a moment overseas that made me stop and reflect—not just as a father or husband, but as a man trying to lead his family and others with intention. While talking with my daughter and wife, I noticed a pattern in how we communicated—one that wasn’t just about tone or words, but something deeper: an unconscious bias toward negativity.

It started with something small—my daughter wanting to take better pictures. She posed, checked the photos, and immediately responded, “I don’t like how I look.” Her tone was sharp. Her body language closed off. I could feel her disappointment, but it was more than just dissatisfaction—it was self-protection. I asked, “Could you say that in a more positive way?” She looked confused. But I followed with, “What if instead of saying you don’t like the photo, you said, ‘Let’s try a different pose’ or ‘Maybe we need better lighting’?”

That moment stayed with me.

Later, while eating a meal, my wife gave a similar reaction to the food: “I didn’t like that very much.” Her facial expression said even more. And I thought again, what if we could frame it differently? Something like, “It was okay, but it could’ve used more flavor,” would’ve given space for both honesty and grace.

Then I looked inward.

I caught myself thinking the same way—judging experiences, people, even myself, more harshly than necessary. And that’s when it hit me: we weren’t being negative because we were ungrateful or hard to please—we were being negative as a form of protection.

The Hidden Armor of Negativity

This wasn’t just about bad pictures or bland food. It was about our default mindset. My wife and I both come from environments where criticism, disappointment, and survival shaped how we view the world. We learned to expect the worst—not because we wanted to, but because it helped us stay ready for it.

But here’s the cost: that mindset gets passed on.

I now see it in my children—not because they are rude or negative-hearted, but because they’re learning how to navigate the world from parents who’ve used negativity to manage expectations and avoid disappointment.

The Power of Reframing

So what’s the solution? It’s not about false optimism or pretending everything is great. It’s about reframing—the skill of seeing situations from a constructive angle. When we reframe, we aren’t denying the truth—we’re choosing a healthier way to respond to it.

Instead of:

“I look bad in this picture,” say: “Let’s find a better angle.”
“This food was awful,” say: “It had potential, but I prefer more spice.”
“That person was rude,” say: “Maybe there was a cultural misunderstanding, or I could’ve been clearer.”

That shift in language leads to a shift in mindset. And the shift in mindset affects how we carry ourselves, relate to others, and even how we view our blessings.

Negativity Is Contagious. But So Is Peace.

As I reflected more, I realized something else: emotions ripple. When we default to harshness or pessimism, it creates an atmosphere where love, joy, and growth have to fight to be heard. But when we start with grace—even when being honest—we give our homes a foundation of peace, not panic.

The Root Cause: Trauma, Expectations, and Hope

What I’ve come to understand is this: we often speak negatively because we’re trying to avoid pain. We manage our expectations down to protect ourselves from being let down. But that’s not living—that’s surviving.

Joy is a muscle. Hope is a decision. Gratitude is a discipline. These things must be practiced.

And as a father, a mentor, and a leader, I now know the importance of modeling them—because my children are watching how I speak, not just what I say.