Conjunctions, Compassion, and Communication: Rethinking the Words That Bridge Us
- Marcus D. Taylor, MBA
- Jun 23
- 4 min read
“Conjunction Junction, What’s Your Function?”
Long before I studied communication theory, I first heard the term conjunction in an unexpected place—Schoolhouse Rock! That catchy tune, “Conjunction Junction, what’s your function?” taught us that words like and, but, and or help connect thoughts. But as we grow, those tiny words do more than link clauses—they reveal how we think, how we feel, and even how we lead.
Nick Saban, legendary Alabama football coach, once used conjunctions in an interview to evaluate NFL prospects. He noted that some players are described with and—“he’s fast, and he’s coachable, and he’s a team leader.” Others are described with but—“he’s talented, but he’s inconsistent.” The conjunction becomes the pivot: and adds value; but casts doubt.
So how often do we unknowingly weaken our relationships, our leadership, or our service to others—just by choosing the wrong bridge between thoughts?
The Weight of a Word: 'But' vs. 'And' in Psychology and Linguistics
In psychology, but is known as a semantic limiter—a term that negates or diminishes what comes before it. Researchers have long studied the negation bias, where people unconsciously devalue any positive statements that are followed by a contradiction.
“Any statement that includes ‘but’ tends to be received with a mental red pen.”— Dr. Deborah Tannen, professor of linguistics at Georgetown University
Tannen’s research on conversational style shows that the placement of “but” signals disagreement or conditional support. It’s why the phrase, “I love you, but…” lands like a gut punch.
Conversely, and is what researchers call a cooperative conjunction. It expands ideas rather than reduces them, signaling inclusion rather than contradiction. A 2012 article in the Journal of Positive Psychology notes that reframing but statements using and can increase empathy and reduce conflict in interpersonal communication (Fredrickson & Joiner, 2012).
Practical Example: Feedback That Builds or Breaks
Compare:
“You did a great job on the project, but you still need to work on your communication.”
“You did a great job on the project, and I think improving your communication will make your next one even better.”
Same feedback. Different feeling. The first sounds like a criticism. The second feels like a partnership.
Why This Matters in Leadership and Service
In leadership and mentorship, our communication style reveals our posture—are we serving or are we controlling? As servant leaders, we must speak to build, not just to instruct. That means being mindful of the bridges we construct between ideas and people.
“Language is the house of being.”— Martin Heidegger
If language is the house, then conjunctions are the hallways. Do they lead to connection—or isolation?
When 'But' Is Weaponized
We’ve all experienced a moment where someone seemed to affirm us only to pull it away:
“I support you, but I just don’t agree with how you’re doing this.”
“I hear you, but I think you’re overreacting.”
These statements offer false support. They serve the speaker more than the listener. It’s not wrong to disagree, but packaging critique in affirmation dilutes sincerity. As Marshall Rosenberg explains in Nonviolent Communication, authentic dialogue is rooted in compassion and clarity—not in linguistic sleight of hand (Rosenberg, 2003).
How to Use This in Practice
1. Reflect Before You Speak:
Pause before adding “but.” Ask: Am I negating or building?
2. Replace With Purpose:
Instead of “but,” try:
and
at the same time
while also considering
3. Model Language for Youth and Peers:
Especially in mentoring and community work, our language shapes the mindsets of those we serve. When we teach by example—especially in how we frame feedback or disagreement—we elevate the entire conversation.
4. Return to Service:
As you mentioned, MD, we lead to serve. Every sentence we speak in that service should help carry others forward—not leave them second-guessing their worth or direction.
Final Thought: Speak As If It Matters—Because It Does
The way we use conjunctions may seem trivial, but these small bridges either invite others in or push them away. Whether we’re coaching youth, mentoring peers, or simply conversing with friends, our speech should reflect the value we place on others.
Let us choose and over but when we can. Let us lead with understanding and speak with intention. And let us always remember that communication is not about being clever—it’s about being clear, compassionate, and connected.
Key References (APA 7 Style)
Fredrickson, B. L., & Joiner, T. (2012). Positive emotions trigger upward spirals toward emotional well-being. Journal of Positive Psychology, 7(5), 345–356. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2012.712667
Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent communication: A language of life (2nd ed.). PuddleDancer Press.
Tannen, D. (1990). You just don’t understand: Women and men in conversation. William Morrow and Company.
Heidegger, M. (1971). Poetry, Language, Thought (A. Hofstadter, Trans.). Harper & Row.
Saban, N. (n.d.). Interview excerpts on NFL Draft prospects [Broadcast interview]. ESPN.
#LeadershipLanguage #CommunicationMatters #ServantLeadership #ConsciousConversation #LanguageAndMeaning
Comments