Emotional Intelligence is the Real Issue: Reflections from 30 Years in Leadership
- Marcus D. Taylor, MBA
- Aug 6
- 3 min read
Wherever I go—whether it's a youth mentoring session with middle or high school students, a collegiate leadership development program, a fraternal organization meeting, or a workplace strategy session—I keep encountering the same foundational issue: not a lack of knowledge, not even a lack of structure or intent, but a profound deficit in emotional intelligence (EQ).
We often misdiagnose the root causes of conflict. We say it's ego. We say it's pride. We say it’s cultural differences, miscommunication, or power struggles. And while those factors absolutely play a role, I’ve come to understand that they are often symptoms—not causes.
At the root, it’s an emotional intelligence problem.
The Quiet Crisis of Low EQ
Emotional intelligence—or the lack thereof—doesn’t just affect communication. It stifles awareness. It damages relationships. It creates mistrust. And perhaps most destructively, it devalues the contributions and dignity of others.
I’ve seen it play out across all generations and contexts:
In youth, it’s often masked as defiance or attitude, but it’s really a defense mechanism. Shame, pride, and confusion override logic, and they retreat to survival mode.
In college students, it shows up as miscommunication, ghosting, frustration, or anxiety because they’ve never been taught how to process emotion in a leadership environment.
In adults, especially in cross-generational teams, it manifests in assumptions, dismissiveness, micromanagement, or arrogance—often under the banner of “this is how I was trained.”
EQ becomes even more critical in multigenerational environments where what leadership looks like and what followership means are shaped by vastly different cultural norms, technology use, and lived experience. That misalignment often leads to a subtle—or overt—power struggle.
Why Training Alone Isn’t Enough
I’ve trained thousands. I’ve sat through hundreds of professional development workshops myself. But here’s the reality: training does not guarantee transformation.
You can attend a session on emotional intelligence and leave with a workbook, a certificate, and even good intentions—but if the will is not there, if the internal motivation isn’t kindled, the knowledge won't take root.
EQ isn’t something you memorize. It’s something you model. It must be cultivated, practiced, and reflected upon consistently.
Separate the Behavior from the Action
If there’s one leadership lesson I’ve learned, it’s this: separate the behavior from the action, and then uncover the motivator behind both.
What caused that outburst?
What fear or wound underlies that resistance?
What lack of exposure or emotional modeling is making someone feel defensive?
EQ deficits are rarely just about personality. More often, they’re linked to lived experience. Trauma. Neglect. Misinformation. Shame. Isolation. Overcompensation.
That’s why emotional intelligence development must be slow, intentional, and compassionate—but it cannot be optional. Especially for leaders.
When the Stakes Are High, EQ Is the First to Go
Knowing what you should do and knowing how to apply it under stress are two very different things.
I often coach leaders who understand EQ conceptually but fall apart when:
Emotions are heavy
Time is short
Pressure is high
Reputation is on the line
So I use scenarios. I ask:
“What did you feel in that moment?”
“What did you want to do?”
“What did you actually do?”
“How did you think through your response?”
The goal isn’t to shame. It’s to build self-awareness under fire.
EQ isn’t about being emotionless—it’s about being emotionally disciplined.
Reflect, Don’t Rewind
One of the most overlooked tools of emotional growth is reflective practice:
Journaling
After-action reviews
Post-event conversations
Accountability partnerships
These tools help people reframe past events not as failures to dwell on, but as experiences to learn from. When you don’t reflect, you end up reacting to the past instead of preparing for the future.
That’s how blame takes over. That’s how we project onto others. That’s how relationships break down.
Final Thought: Effort Over Ego
No one gets it right all the time. Not even the scholars who write the books on emotional intelligence. But for those in leadership—especially those who claim to serve others—full effort is not optional.
To lack EQ as a leader is to lack the capacity to see outside your own mind, your own bias, and your own comfort zone. And that’s not leadership—that’s control disguised as leadership.
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