When Pride Blocks Progress: Why We Don’t Ask for Help Even When We Should

Marcus D. Taylor, MBA
May 6
3 min read

Introduction: The Quiet Collapse of Collaboration

In every organization—nonprofit, corporate, academic, or social—there are people struggling quietly. Not because help isn’t available, but because they won’t ask for it. Even when support is offered for free or through paid services, people often choose to endure inefficiency, overwhelm, and burnout.

This issue goes deeper than simple miscommunication. It’s an epidemic of avoidance—driven by fear, pride, and flawed organizational structures. And it’s costing teams their progress, leaders their influence, and customers their satisfaction.

I. Why We Don’t Ask for Help: The Root Causes

Pride and Ego
Many see asking for help as admitting failure or incompetence. In high-stakes or competitive environments, pride becomes a silent saboteur (Goleman, 2006).
Fear of Judgment and Exposure
For some, help-seeking feels like risking credibility. This fear, often tied to imposter syndrome, is intensified in cultures where mistakes are punished (Brown, 2018).
Lack of Trust in Others’ Competence
Some believe, “No one else can do it right.” This mindset blocks delegation and collaboration—even when teammates or consultants are fully capable (Edmondson, 2019).
Toxic or Unclear Organizational Culture
When workplace culture emphasizes solo performance over collective success, asking for help becomes taboo. In such environments, people fear being seen as weak (Harvard Business Review, 2021).
No Clear Pathway for Getting Help
Even those willing to seek help may not know how. Without skill directories, mentoring pathways, or open forums, silence becomes the default.

II. The Price of Silent Struggle

Failure to seek help leads to far-reaching consequences:

Customer Dissatisfaction: Missed deadlines, recurring errors, and unclear communication frustrate clients and stakeholders.
Team Dysfunction: One person hoards tasks, others are underutilized, and resentment festers.
Burnout and Overwhelm: Staff members carry responsibilities they’re not equipped to manage.
Repeated Mistakes: Without collaboration, teams don’t benefit from shared learning or correction loops.
Delayed Progress: Time and resources are wasted solving avoidable problems.

According to Edmondson (2019), organizations that suppress help-seeking end up trapped in a cycle of inefficiency, missed innovation, and low morale.

III. A Real-World Breakdown: A Nonprofit in Crisis

Imagine a small nonprofit planning its first annual fundraiser. The assigned event planner lacks experience but refuses assistance from a volunteer professional. Details fall through the cracks—catering fails, signage is misprinted, RSVPs are lost. The result? A poorly executed event that damages public trust and squanders opportunity.

This wasn’t due to laziness—it was the refusal to share the load, despite resources being readily available.

IV. Solutions: Creating a Culture That Supports Help-Seeking

Model Vulnerability from the Top
Leaders should demonstrate that asking for help is wise, not weak. When they admit that they don’t know and reach out, others will too (Brown, 2018).
Build Psychological Safety
Employees and team members must feel safe admitting limitations. Psychological safety is the foundation for risk-taking, learning, and collaboration (Edmondson, 2019).
Create Skill Maps and Clear Help Channels
Maintain an internal skill inventory. Knowing who to go to eliminates friction and empowers efficient problem-solving.
Reframe Help as Strategy
Normalize and reward those who collaborate. Make it known that asking for help leads to better outcomes, not personal failure.
Debrief Regularly
Use retrospectives to ask: “Where could we have used help sooner?” Reflection builds healthy habits and accountability without shame.

V. Final Reflection: Help Isn’t a Handout—It’s a Hand Up

We often say we value teamwork, but we still reward silent suffering. It’s time to challenge that contradiction. Whether it’s in nonprofit boards, church ministries, project teams, or student groups—success lies in connection, not control.

Asking for help doesn’t make you incapable. It makes you human, strategic, and willing to grow. And that mindset—more than any skill—is what moves individuals and organizations from chaos to cohesion.

References

Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House.
Edmondson, A. C. (2019). The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. Wiley.
Goleman, D. (2006). Social intelligence: The new science of human relationships. Bantam.
Harvard Business Review. (2021, January 13). Why asking for help is so difficult (and how to get better at it). https://hbr.org/2021/01/why-asking-for-help-is-so-difficult-and-how-to-get-better-at-it